Off the wagon

Man, what a fucking week!  I swear, if it's not one thing it's another.  I had every intention of doing great with my diet this week but have failed miserably.  I have been doing well without having Pepsi but I got a mocha yesterday afternoon because I was literally falling asleep at my desk.  Now that I think about it, a can of Pepsi would have been fewer calories :/  But, if I got a can of Pepsi I'd be back where I started at the beginning of the week fighting my Pepsi addiction.  I also ordered pizza for dinner last night because I didn't have time to cook.  I can literally come up with every excuse in the book as to why cheating on my diet is OK.  I am so exhausted mentally and physically that I just don't have the willpower right now.  We literally have something going on everyday in June, it is by far the busiest time of the year for us.  I am going to force myself to make time for ME and my diet, even if it's getting up early to prep my meals for the day.  I'm going to take a step back from exercising and focus all of my energy on my diet.  I am proud to say that Gentry and I did 8 minutes of Zumba last night before we needed a break.  SCORE. 

I'm so nervous to weigh in tomorrow!  I hope I didn't gain anything and just stayed the same :(  THIS is why I should stick to my diet and not cheat!!

EEEKS!

I was browsing through the pics on my cell phone and found this little gem.  My fatness isn't something I'm proud of, I am however very proud of the babies I have had who gave me my hot little (HUGE?) mom bod ;)  This was the day before I gave birth to Hayden.  This picture showcases the heaviest I've ever been, and will ever be again. You can tell how swollen I was just by seeing the bottom part of my face and my sausage fingers! Yay for water retention! I'm happy I have this picture to show where I started on this journey, as embarrassing as it might be!

Hungry Bitch!

Do you ever have those days when you're just plain hungry?  I woke up starving and I seem to have an insatiable appetite today.  I'm not sure what to do about it because my oatmeal and Ritz Toasted Chips aren't holding me over!  I brought a can of soup from home since I won't have time to eat on my lunch break today and I don't think it's going to do the trick.  I've been trying to fill up on water and nothing seems to be helping!  AAAHHHHH!  I know for sure I won't be tempted to eat out because I don't have the time to do so.  I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.  Mind over matter, right?  Or in this case, mind over growling stomach!

Typical Me

This weekend was a rough one for me!  I am not used to my husband working on the weekends so it stressed me out a lot.  Probably a little too much.  I had a couple things happen that threw me for an emotional loop, I need to grow a thicker skin and not care what people think.

I did fairly well with my meals this weekend, choosing my food wisely isn't as much of a challenge as it was in the beginning.  I did screw up and ordered breakfast yesterday morning though.  I didn't have any energy to cook and felt like I was in survival mode!  I didn't do terrible though, I ordered one biscuit with gravy when I really wanted four, haha.  The thing I did awful with was Pepsi!  Typical me!  Pepsi is my drug, is there rehab for it? :(  I kept making my Crystal Light but it just wasn't doing it.  I convinced myself I needed Pepsi to help me stay awake since my kids refused to nap and I didn't have a break at all.  I'm feeling slightly refreshed after a somewhat good night's sleep.  I knocked myself out with Nyquil :)

Now time to focus on the new week at hand.  I'm not going to let a few setbacks from the weekend derail me.  I am OBESSED with Hungry for Change.  I watched the video a couple months ago and it is life changing.  One of the guys I related with the most on the video is Jon Gabriel.  He has a book out that I ordered from Amazon.  His story is AMAZING.  Please, please, please read about him!

Goals for Week 3:
 - NO MORE PEPSI.  For reals this time.  This makes me want to cry, not gonna lie.
 - NO eating out. I don't want the one time that I screwed up to turn into a habit.
 - Get lots of sleep!  Be in bed by 10 every night.

Weekend Goals

Hmm, lets see.  What are some reasonable goals for Memorial Day weekend?  My hubby is working ALL weekend so I will have to fight the temptation to go out to eat!  I'm planning to head out grocery shopping tonight so I have some healthy options for this weekend.  My mom's birthday is tomorrow so we'll be attending her birthday BBQ.  My goal is to eat a BBQ'd chicken breast, have a tiny bit of pasta salad and just say no to cake.  Since we don't really have any other plans, I think it will be easy to stick to these goals.  I'm feeling better each day, it's getting easier to make smart choices.  Exercising is still a struggle for me though.  Now that I've finished The Hunger Games series (OMG Mockingjay was cray) and almost all of my shows are over for the season, I am going to make a much better effort to be active.  No more excuses.  I have LOTS of yard work to do this weekend, that counts as exercise, right?  :)

Week 2 Stats

This week I lost 2 pounds!  WOOOOT.

Stats:
Weight lost before starting this mission: 33 lbs (so what if 19 of it was baby weight, it counts!)
Week 1: -2.2 lbs
Week 2: -2 lbs
Total on this mission: -4.2 lbs
Total since giving birth to Hayden: -37.2 lbs!
Pounds to go to my first goal of being back at my wedding weight: 14

Here are my Week 2 pics!

Amen

Am I right, or am I right?!  Haha, this is so true.

P.S.  I found this on Pinterest so I'm not sure who the photo credit should go to.

YES!

YOU GUYS!  LOOK WHAT FITS!  I haven't been able to squeeze into my wedding rings since I found out I was pregnant with Hayden in January of 2011!  They're still tight and on the verge of cutting off my circulation but I got them on!  SUCCESS.

Zumba

Zumba's fun y'all!  Gentry and I did about half of a video last night and man did I work up a sweat.  I don't know if we spent more time exercising or laughing, but it was fun and I can't wait to do it again.  My legs and shoulders are a tad bit sore today so I must have done something right, tonight I'm aiming to finish a whole video.  It's nice to do something fun to exercise with my daughter (not that she needs to exercise, she's a skinny mini) and she WANTS to do it, which is something I'm certainly not going to discourage!  I did great tracking all of my intake yesterday, and I'm excited to continue logging things in my journal.  I'm feeling good about this week, I just KNOW I'm gonna rock it <3

I'm Back Bitches

After a little pep talk from my brother and a very sweet email from a friend, my motivation is back.  It's amazing how a few sweet words of encouragement can do so much.  I am so happy I pre-planned my breakfast and lunch for today so I wasn't tempted to eat out and get off track!  Writing everything down has been really good for me too, and I realized something.  I drink A LOT of Crystal Light* guys.  I'm on my 5th bottle of the day!  It's going to be a busy night for me, my hubby is on call, I have to brave Walmart with 2 kids in tow (SHOOT ME NOW), go home and cook dinner, clean up, bath time for the kiddos and ZUMBAAAA my little heart out!  Gentry has been begging me to let her try Zumba with me.  I hope she likes it, then she'll make me do it on a regular basis, haha!

*I HATE water (who hates water, right?) so the only way I can force myself to drink it is by adding Crystal Light.  At this point in my life I'm not concerned with the possible effects of artificial sweeteners, I'm concerned with kicking my Pepsi habit and becoming healthier all around.  And losing oh, I don't know, a million pounds?

Week 2 Goals

Well kids, I'm starting to lose my motivation!  I don't know why, but I know that I can't give up.  I don't want to give up.  Why does this always happen to me?  I haven't really been depriving myself of anything, I think it might be because I'm tired and worn out, thus I don't want to think about things and I kinda don't care.  I'm going to break this cycle.  I bought a journal yesterday, I'm going to write down everything I consume.  I need to be able to see on paper what I'm consuming so I will know where I need to cut back. 

Goals for Week 2:
1.  Keep a journal of EVERYTHING I consume.
2.  Keep a journal of the time spent exercising.
3.  Focus on eating healthy, well balanced meals.
4.  Don't eat out.
5.  Go to the gym at least twice this week.

Cheers to Week 2, I'm gonna rock this shit!

Weekend Goals

My husband is going to be golfing for the majority of the weekend so that leaves me at home with the kiddos.  Usually this is an easy out for me, it's SO much easier to pack up the kids and run through a drive thru than it is to try and cook a healthy meal with a baby on my hip and a 5 year old wrapped around my leg.  I am going to stop coming up with every excuse in the book to eat out.  My main goal for the weekend is to get to the grocery store ASAP so I actually have food to cook all weekend, haha!  I'm also going to try my Zumba dvd's.  If anyone feels a slight earthquake on the hill, it's just me.  Sorry 'bout that. 

Week 1 Results...dun dun DUUUUUN

Well folks, I made it a week.  I surely didn't eat perfectly, but I am still motivated and didn't revert back to most of my old habits.  I made it to the gym twice this week, I couldn't drag myself out of bed this morning.  The baby was up twice last night and mama needed her sleep!  I'm usually pretty dead by the time Friday rolls around, must work on that.  Now time for the stats.

Week 1 weigh in results: -2.2 lbs!  WOWZA.  How motivating is that to see?  I am certainly determined to kick it up a notch to see a bigger weight loss next week!

Here are my weekly pics.  I know I can't expect to SEE overnight results, but I am hoping to see myself shrinking over the next few months.  Also, knowing that I have to post a picture on Friday helps me to make better choices during the week and not stray too far from my diet.

Sweeeeets

I've been craving sweets like no other!  I was at Safeway looking for something low calorie to hold me over and I stumbled upon these little gems.

These are God's gift to me.  They are mini ice cream bars, they melt in your mouth and OH EM GEE they are SO GOOD!  They are super sweet so they definitely satisfy my sweet tooth and they are only 150 calories!  My brain tells me that I should be trying to steer clear of sweets, but I am trying so hard not to set myself up for failure.  I am definitely willing to sacrifice 150 calories for one of these puppies.

Word.

I wish I would have thought about this before I splurged on a candy bar last night.  I don't know why I always revert back to my old ways.  I'm not even going to keep candy or unhealthy treats in the house anymore!  I definitely need to work on self control, but I'm feeling guilty for splurging so that's a good sign right? 

Goals for the Week

Week of May 14th:

1. NO PEPSI (WAAAAAH)
2. No fast food except for Subway on Friday night! I'll make smart choices there though. Swearsies.
3. Drink a bazillion gallons of water per day, or at least more water than I usually drink :)
4. Hit the gym Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
5. Workout at home Tuesday and Thursday.
6. Think about every ounce of food I put in my mouth.
7. Don't eat on impulse.  If something looks good, do I really  need it?  Is the setback worth it?
8. Cook only lean meals with lots of veggies.
9. Be in bed by 10pm every night.
10. Stay focused.  You got this.

This is the most focused I've ever been on a diet.  I think the blog is helping!  YAY!  I'm finding myself thinking about what I'm eating whereas before, I would eat half a box of crackers before I even realized what I was doing.  Sure, I am not eating perfectly, but I know from past experiences that if I cut all the bad stuff out of my diet I won't last.  I won't have a chance at being successful because I'll go on a binge and eat all the things I have deprived myself of.  So far so good, I feel like I'm on the right track here.   

Happy Mother's Day!

I am so blessed that God chose me to be the mama of these precious girls.  I love them with all my heart!

My parents took us to lunch at a Mexican restaurant (our plans to go to a buffet at the casino failed after finding out there was a 2 hour wait) and we had the best time!  My big splurge of the day was a kiwi margarita...YUM.  For lunch I had the chicken enchiladas suizas, I know I could have made a better choice but I made a conscious effort to listen to  my body and stop eating when I was full.  I was starving when we got there, I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, and was ready for a feast.  I ate about half of my enchiladas and had most of my rice and beans left over.  High five for me! 

Migraines SUCK.

Well, my weekend has sucked so far.  I started getting a migraine Friday evening, all day I had been fighting it.  I took a Maxalt (prescription migraine pill) and headed to bed.  I woke up Saturday morning and my head was POUNDING.  I took a muscle relaxer and some Dayquil (I figured that something would work!) and it didn't let up at all.  I ended up taking another Maxalt, a couple more muscle relaxers and a few Excedrin.  Finally around 11pm I started feeling better.  My migraine is still lingering but I'm starting to function now.  My plans to go grocery shopping were thrown out the window and all I wanted to do was send my hubby to Taco Bell for some good comfort food.  It seriously took all the willpower I had not to give into my fast food cravings.  Seeing that I haven't grocery shopped in a few weeks and our cupboards are filled with baby food and Spaghetti O's (thanks mom!) I was left scrounging for food all day.  I ended up making some Spanish rice and eating a Totino's pizza.  Definitely not diet food but surely better than the chicken nachos bell grande I wanted so bad.  I don't know why, but when I'm sick I have no willpower and my diet goes to shit.  My diet also tends to go to shit on the weekends.  I have to work hard on this guys.  It's such a nice reward to eat out all weekend.  Why do I feel the need to "reward" myself for  making it through the crazy work week?!  Maybe I'm just lazy.  Maybe I have no willpower.  Maybe I'm addicted to fast food.  Maybe all of the above are true.  It's so much easier to relax on the weekends without having to cook or think about planning meals.  I had a lot of time to reflect on this today.  I laid in bed and on the couch for the majority of the day trying to kick this migraine.  Thank God it's Mother's Day weekend so I didn't feel too guilty about it.  Speaking of Mother's Day, I asked my 5 year old what she was going to get me  and she said "Probably a baby monkey."  I said "Oh Gentry, you know the way to your mama's heart!"  She said "I have to go ask daddy if he'll drive me to the zoo tomorrow so I can buy you one."  LMAO!  She is too damn cute!  I had big plans for the weekend.  Saturday we were going to clean the house, put away laundry and plant our flowers.  I was going to try Zumba for the first time too.  Friday I decided on a whim to drop my gym membership since I NEVER go.  Like ever.  I only pay $33 a month for it so I have kept it with the intent of getting back into it but I don't make time to go.  I can come up with every excuse in the book to not to.  Usually, I'm too tired.  4:30 a.m. comes way too fast.  Sleep is good guys.  I refuse to go to the gym after work or in the evenings.  I only get a few hours of good quality time with my girls and I'm not going to take away from that.  Family first, no if's and's or but's about it.  So, yesterday Gentry and I went to the gym to cancel it and the guy asked me why I wanted to drop it.  I said I don't have time to come in.  His response?  You know we're open 24/7 right?  Umm ya...I obviously knew that, but it stung when he said it.  I guess I had an epiphany about how lazy I am.  Anyways, I left there with 6 months of free tanning and my membership still active.  I'm such a pushover!  But in my defense, it is $40 a month for unlimited tanning so they're basically paying me $8 a month to keep my membership, right?  ;)  I decided then and there to make a better effort to get to the gym.  I'm going to try and go Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at 5am.  Gentry will be done with school the first week of June and she will be done with ballet towards the end of June.  I can handle a few more weeks of this crazy busy schedule and hopefully get into a routine again.  I enjoy working out at home, but I might as well use the membership I'm paying for.  Plus, I have to go there to tan anyways ;)    

Here We Go

OMGGGGGG YOU GUYS.  I can't believe I'm posting these pictures.  I had my husband take "before" pics of me this morning so I can see myself losing weight on this journey.  I look lurvely.  My hair and makeup aren't done, but who cares, I'm not here to look purdy!  So, here we go.  Today was my first official weigh in on this mission.  I had a great idea what I would weigh since I weighed myself yesterday (I'm down .2 pounds, BOOYAH!), but I just had to get the official number today since I am going to weigh in on Fridays.  It still shocks me that I weigh this much.  I always wake up in the mornings hoping to have shed at least 30 pounds overnight.  That's never happened...RUDE.  So, here we go, the before pics.  I'm not going to post my weight because hello, I'm a lady.  Who does that anyways?  I will say that I want to lose a minimum of 40 pounds though.

Taking Control

Taking control.  It sounds easy, right?  I've been struggling with my weight since I turned 20, and it has gone nowhere but up.  In the past 7 years I have gotten married, and had 2 children.  On May 5th I turned 30.  I'm tired of being fat and feeling frumpy.  I want my husband to be proud of me, I want my kids to adore me.  I want to be me.  The old skinny me.  I have a lot of food related demons that I have to overcome and I'm starting to realize what they are.  I constantly sabotage every diet I am on and I'm tired of it.  I know it's going to be hard, but it's also going to be worth it.  My first goal is to get down to my wedding weight.  I have 18 pounds to go.  Being pregnant with my 2nd child, I got to my highest weight ever.  I have since shed 33 pounds.  I am fortunate that I don't gain a ton of weight when pregnant.  With my first child, I gained 19 pounds and my second, I gained 26.  I am on the right path, I just have to keep it up and stay motivated.  I feel that writing this blog will hold me accountable, even if no one reads it!  I will stay accountable to myself, and that is my main struggle.  I am addicted to Pepsi.  No joke.  I used to go days just drinking Pepsi, no water, no juice, no nothing, just Pepsi.  I have realized how bad that is for you, and I now limit myself to 1 Pepsi at most per day.  If I do have one, it's usually with breakfast, it's like my coffee.  I know it's awful but I'm struggling to give up that one soda!  I like to eat.  I like food.  I like being full.  I am going to work on giving up processed sugar, fast food, soda and learn portion control.  I have tried Weight Watchers, I have tried counting calories, I have tried Atkins, the South Beach Diet and many, many others.  I'm not ashamed to say that I have even tried diet pills.  I have come to realize that there is no miracle pill or diet that will work for me, just plain old eating right and exercise.  I am ready.  I'm taking control.